


Napping Horrors

by Aeshna_cyanea



Series: The Legions of Terror [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, The Legions of Terror, The devil is scared of children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 21:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11298879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeshna_cyanea/pseuds/Aeshna_cyanea
Summary: Lucifer comes home to find a bunch of human maggots in his bed. He is not amused.





	Napping Horrors

**Author's Note:**

> This story grew out of rules 215 and 216 from my list of Things Maze Is No Longer Allowed To Do.

Lucifer quickly crossed the living room and stepped up into his bedroom, only to freeze and stare incredulously at the sight before him. For a moment, he wondered if the magic mushrooms he had consumed the evening before were having a delayed effect. But no. Not even the worst mushroom-induced horror trip would ever cause him to hallucinate something like this.

 

There in front of him, on his bed, was a - well, he wasn't quite sure what the appropriate word was, a flock? Heap? Gaggle? Hm, he had once heard someone refer to a bunch of crows as a murder. That seemed appropriate. Murder certainly sprang to mind at the sight - a murder of prepubescent human spawn. Female prepubescent human spawn, from the looks of them. He wasn't sure if that was better or worse than the other kind, though he suspected that in this scenario, that old gag about the female of the species being deadlier than the male was most likely true.

 

Case in point, the specimens in front of him, who were no doubt members of Mazikeen's Legions of Terror. And had therefore somehow, through some uncanny innate instinct, decided that the best individual to teach them the ways of the world was his favorite demon, Hell's best torturer and until recently second in command, who most definitely qualified as a fiend in human form. Well, technically a fiend in demonic form with just a bit of glamor, but that made her look human enough. And speaking of his demon, she was undoubtedly responsible for the presence of these human maggots in his bed.

 

Lucifer took a deep breath, but before he could bellow her name, movement in the corridor caught his attention. Maze was coming towards him from the direction of her bedroom.

 

"Mazikeen!" He called out to her, his tone full of the outrage he was feeling, and then winced immediately as the volume of his shout made one or two of the spawn on his bed stir and begin to wake up.

 

Thankfully, they settled down again after a few moments. Still, it would probably be prudent to put some distance, and maybe a wall or two, between them and himself before he had his little discussion with his demon. With that objective in mind, he stepped back down into the living room, wordlessly grabbed Maze's arm, and dragged her out onto the balcony, taking care to close the glass doors behind them before turning around and confronting her.

 

"Maze! What the Hell is the meaning of this-" he waved a hand vaguely in the direction of his bedroom, "- this maggot infestation in my bed!"

 

His demon just shrugged, completely unconcerned about his temper. "They're taking a nap."

 

"Yes. I can see that. But why are they doing so in my bed? Why didn't you put them in one of the guest bedrooms, or your own bed, for that matter?"

 

That got him an eye roll.

 

"Because they didn't all fit into my bed. And someone-" she shot him a pointed glare, "apparently decided to have a lot of fun in the guest bedrooms. Without inviting me, I might add. And then that same someone didn't think to call in housekeeping, so the rooms are still a complete mess."

 

Lucifer grimaced.

 

"Alright, yes, I suppose that is my fault. As for not inviting you, well, it all happened rather spontaneously, and you weren't here." Another point suddenly occurred to him. "Wait, does that mean there are more of the critters in your bed?"

 

"Yes. Half of them are sleeping in my bed, half in yours."

 

This news came as an unpleasant surprise to him, and not just because it meant that there was no chance of relocating the little parasites from his bed to hers. Lucifer would be the first to admit that - after a few nerve wracking encounters - he had been doing everything in his power to avoid contact with Maze's Legions of Terror. Now it seemed that this meant he was not as well informed about the current state of affairs there as he probably should be. There were about half a dozen human spawn lying in his bed right now. If anybody had asked him, he would have said that this should be the full complement of little terrors his demon had attracted. But if there were another half dozen in Maze's bed, their numbers had clearly grown substantially since his last encounter with them.

 

When his demon had first allowed Detective Decker's offspring to bully her into babysitting not just the small human, but also two of her friends, Lucifer had fully expected her to come to regret this decision. Looking after the detective's spawn for a few hours was one thing. The little one was surprisingly tolerable for a human maggot, and she and Maze had formed an unlikely friendship. But having to deal with two more of them surely could only end in chaos and mayhem, and not the fun kind that his demon usually inspired.

 

But to both his own and the Detective's surprise, it had turned out that Maze and the little critters got along splendidly. Somehow, his demon appeared to have a natural gift for corralling human maggots and channeling their energies and attentions. Perhaps it was her millennia of experience in dealing with the various denizens of Hell. The maggots for their part simply adored Maze, and were perfectly happy to do her bidding.

 

As a consequence, it became a regular occurrence for Mazikeen to look after the Detective's offspring and several other small humans. And gradually, the little group grew, with more and more maggots joining in. Detective Decker found this amusing, but Lucifer himself soon had a sense of foreboding, wondering what the result of it all would be. He began referring to them as Maze's Legions of Terror, a name which the maggots took up enthusiastically after overhearing it once.

 

And now it appeared that their ranks had swollen to a frankly disconcerting level. The dark forebodings ratcheted up another notch. A dozen prepubescent girls, led and trained by Hell's best torturer. A shudder passed through him at the thought of what they might be capable of. He saw Maze's lips curl up into a smirk as she noticed his reaction.

 

"Just how many members do your Legions of Terror have at the moment, Maze?"

 

"Fifteen. But Jessie has a cousin who's the same age as her, and who is moving to LA with her family, and she has already asked if her cousin can join up once she's here. And Alison wants to bring the little sister of her older brother's girlfriend to our next meeting."

 

Maze was grinning broadly by now, clearly amused at the look of horror that had crept over the devil's face. This thing was getting out of hand. Part of him wanted to tell Maze to stop this, but he knew that his demon wasn't actually doing anything to actively recruit these little humans. For some unexplained reason, a certain class of prepubescent female human maggot just seemed to gravitate towards his demon. A trend which made him profoundly uneasy.

 

With an effort, he stopped himself from dwelling on the sinister possibilities and brought his mind back to the current situation.

 

"So, why are the little maggots sleeping anyway? It's the middle of the afternoon."

 

"They were exhausted after our trip to the zoo. And since their parents won't be around to pick them up until later, they decided to take a little nap here."

 

Lucifer could hardly believe it. "You went to the zoo with them? On a Saturday? When the place is swarming with snotty, bawling human spawn and their insufferable parents?"

 

Maze just looked at him, completely unperturbed by the horrible scenario he had just painted.

 

"Yes, I went to the zoo with them. And yeah, there were other humans with their offspring there, but they mostly kept their distance. I cannot think why."

 

She smirked, making it clear that she knew exactly why most sane people would give her and her Legions of Terror a wide berth.

 

"The maggots really enjoyed the trip, and it was fun, in a way."

 

The devil could only stare in horrified fascination at his demon.

 

"They have corrupted you. I wouldn't have believed such a thing to be possible, but the proof is undeniable. Before they got to you, you would never have considered a trip to the zoo on a Saturday anything else but a punishment fit for Hell's nastiest damned souls. And now you claim that it is fun!"

 

His demon just shrugged, completely unconcerned.

 

"The little terrors are what makes a trip to the zoo fun instead of a punishment." Her gaze turned accusatory. "Besides, you're the one who insisted that this is our home now, and who told me that humans aren't all bad and that I should get to know them better. And now you don't like it that I did what you said?"

 

Lucifer glared back. "When I said you should try to get to know some humans better, I meant adults. Not their spawn. And I didn't expect you to collect scores of them!"

 

"I didn't collect them! They just showed up, somehow. It seems to be a natural instinct with them. Just one of those strange human traits you usually find so _fascinating_." The last word was practically dripping with sarcasm.

 

"Yes, well, in this case, fascinating is not the word I would use." He scowled at the smirk on her face. "You on the other hand seem to be quite fascinated with them."

 

"Nah, I just like them. They remind me a bit of young hellhounds. Same bloody-minded tenacity, same hyperactive, enthusiastic jumping around, same tendency to paw anything in sight and to latch onto you at the least provocation. Though at least the little maggots just have grabby hands; they don't bite. Much."

 

Lucifer shuddered once again. The comparison was apt. And of course, Maze had always had a liking for hellhounds, and a natural talent for taming them and getting them to do things nobody else would even dare try. The similarities were glaringly obvious, once you started thinking about it. This did nothing to ease his dark forebodings. Quite the contrary. He had once seen Maze and her pack of loyal hellhounds decimate a whole battalion of rebellious demons. The carnage had been considerable, and had left a lasting impression.

 

Thinking back on that event, and the parallels between hellhounds and the members of the Legions of Terror, Lucifer shuddered once again. The hounds were clever beasts, but nowhere near as clever or devious as human spawn. Sinister possibilities, indeed.

 

He shook himself out of his dark thoughts to find his demon watching him with a rather malicious smirk on her face. Casting a dark look at her, he stalked back inside. He really needed a drink right now.

 

Once he had fortified himself with a large whisky, he contemplated the situation at hand. His penthouse currently contained all fifteen members of Maze's Legions of Terror, half of them slumbering in her bed, and half in his own. Apparently, their parents wouldn't come to pick them up for a few hours yet. So much for his plans for a quiet afternoon at home.

 

Maze stepped up right next to him and got herself a drink, too. Then she looked straight at him and asked: "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were out working on some murder case with your detective?"

 

"I was. We caught the scumbag, and he's in police custody. The only thing left to do was complete the paperwork, and I didn't leave Hell to subject myself to that kind of torture. So I left the Detective to it, and came home to spend a nice afternoon relaxing here."

 

His demon just grinned at his grumbling, once again completely unconcerned about his feelings.

 

"Well, nothing is stopping you from spending the afternoon here. You'll just have to keep it quiet so the maggots don't wake up."

 

Lucifer contemplated the suggestion for a moment. Even if he kept it quiet, there was no telling how long the little parasites would remain asleep, and once they woke up, they would undoubtedly be looking for some kind of entertainment. And he had no intention of being that entertainment.

 

"Pass. I prefer to find some nice, quiet, relaxing place somewhere far away from here, until your little terrors are safely back with their parents."

 

With that, he made his way over to the elevator.

 

"You could always go back to your detective and have some fun annoying her." Maze called after him.

 

He stopped and turned back to her. "And what makes you think I would want to annoy her?"

 

"She's the one who is responsible for the maggots being here like this."

 

"What? How so?"

 

His demon shrugged nonchalantly. "I wanted to take them to the shooting range for some lessons, but she forbade it and suggested the zoo instead."

 

The thought of the little terrors anywhere near projectile weapons would probably give him nightmares for weeks, so Lucifer could certainly understand Detective Decker's decision to forbid any such activities. And he supposed that from her point of view, a trip to the zoo was a decent idea. Child-appropriate. Harmless. Fun for the kids. She couldn't have known the unpleasant consequences it would have for him.

 

"Well, I will certainly have a little talk with her about making such flippant suggestions without considering the consequences. But not today. If I show up at the precinct now, she'll just try to get me to do some of that infernal paperwork. Definitely not what I need right now."

 

Maze sniggered at that. Throwing her another dark look, Lucifer stepped into the elevator. No, he would definitely not go back to the Detective. Even if she wasn't busy with paperwork, he knew she would not be sympathetic to his plight, and he really wasn't in the mood for another argument with her about the dangers of letting Maze teach a bunch of impressionable - or, as far as he was concerned, cunning and devious - little girls.

 

But there were lots of other things he could do. Maybe he would just drive around for a while, or go to the beach. Or perhaps... Yes, that was a good idea. He would call Dr. Linda. Hopefully, she would have time for him so he could discuss this disturbing situation with someone who would show more understanding. And perhaps she could even suggest a way of dealing with the problem of Maze and her little terrors.

 

With renewed purpose, the devil pulled out his phone as he got into his beloved Corvette.

 

****

 

Up in the penthouse, Maze poured herself another drink and then made herself comfortable on the couch. Too bad Lucifer had decided to leave again. The little maggots would have been so happy to find him here when they woke up. Contrary to what he might think, they liked him very much. They thought he was funny. That thought made her smirk. She could easily imagine his indignant protestations to that!

 

Letting her mind drift back over their recent discussion, Maze laughed softly as she recalled the various looks of horror on his face. Who'd have thought the devil would be terrified of a bunch of eight year olds! Of course, she reflected, with this particular pack of eight year olds, a certain amount of terror was perhaps justified. After all, her girls did their best to live up to the name they had chosen for themselves.

 

Pulling out her phone, she scrolled through the pictures she had taken during their trip today. The whole thing had been surprisingly enjoyable. Contrary to the impression she had given Lucifer, she had approached this trip to the zoo with a certain amount of dread. The only reason why she had agreed to it at all had been the fact that Decker had made her suggestion in the presence of her offspring and several other members of the Legions of Terror, and they had immediately taken up the idea with great enthusiasm. And once the little terrors had their minds set firmly on something, it took far too much work to get them to let it go again. Besides, she had not been in the mood for dealing with all the whining and pleading that would inevitably have resulted if she had refused.

 

Still, it was a shame that her initial plan had been vetoed by Lucifer's pet human. Given the way he had blanched when she mentioned it just now, she was tempted to disregard Decker's prohibition outright, and take the kids to the shooting range for their next trip. The only thing stopping her was the knowledge that it would come out, and that may give Lucifer the pretext he needed to order her to stop all activities with her little maggots. She didn't want to risk that.

 

Thinking about it some more, a broad grin spread across Maze's face when an idea came to her. Decker had forbidden her from taking the kids to a shooting range, and from teaching them about guns. But there were other ways of learning the essential skills of hitting a target with a projectile weapon. Archery, for example. That could be fun. Slingshots and catapults, too. Or maybe there was a loophole somewhere in what the Detective had said. Now what had been her exact words? 'I absolutely forbid you from teaching them anything about handling firearms, Maze.' Firearms. That was what she had said.

 

The grin on Maze's face turned devious. Loophole found. Paintball guns were not firearms. They would provide a great way for teaching the little terrors about basic shooting skills, and taking care of your weapon. And they had the added advantage of making it possible to train with live targets without any bloodshed and death. Well, unless she taught the terrors a few of her special tricks. But to start with, standard paintball guns and ammunition would do.

 

Smiling happily, Maze picked up her tablet from the couch table and started an internet search for a suitable training establishment. She had some arrangements to make, and a lesson plan to draw up. Oh, yes, this was going to be fun.


End file.
